The good ones.

They say that its your heart thats suppose to be broken or hurt but i feel like my whole body is broken. It aches and i cant make it stop. My heart is pounding so hard that i cant think straight, every shiver makes me well up again. I have this deep pulling sensation on my chest and i cant breathe. Im choking on my tears.

I've always knew, yet today i decided to admit it to myself. Im probably growing up right? Everybody lies, everybody hurts you. Why did i even think that there was a slight possibility that he was even a tad different?

Its over.

Cold water.

Taking a whole lot of shots before 12pm , just because of something that might not even be true made you happy, probably wasn't a good idea. When i stopped having any feeling in my lips, i took another few shots of that olmeca gold.

I had to celebrate the thing that made me completely ecstatic, nobody except ross knows why, but thats not the point. I had to do it before something more realistic happens and i get slapped back into this world of shittyness.

Things that seem too good to be true -more often than not- usually are. Atleast to me, thats been happening everyday, losing the most important things because they were all little fabrications.

When will something amazing happen? That actually isn't just ways to make other people feel better.

Untill reality sets in, im trigger happy.

sweet delirium.

No matter how hard i try to make it better. I cant.

Theres always gonna be something else, another thing you succumb to. Another thing that trumps me. And to be honest, i dont want it. I dont want to be second to anything else. I want as much from you as i give to you.

Seeing you doesn't seem to help, cause your words, your smile, your hungry kisses, your slightest touch lets me fall back into the sweet delirium that just having you suffices.

But it doesn't. Not anymore.

And now this? Again. Its ripping me apart.

When its all over and done. I need to see beyond my trivial reasoning.