lifes so fucking confusing now, i mean especially the whole boyfriend thing, i just dont want to think about it cause then i think about her. i dont want to think about that skank bitch whore girl, really? calm down. everything he does reminds me of her like forfucksakes, i want to forget.
and yes, i forgave him, for cheating on me, and for being an asshole. mostly cause of what he told me, that one day two weeks ago when he came to me and gave me this 11 page letter, like i really believe him and i know im being stupid or crazy for letting him back in but i believe him. what he told me and all. it was.... well, after i read (it and he watched me read it and smoke a ton of cigerettes simultaneously) well i felt like i had to, i wanted to just forgive him and have him back again, i missed him, so much.
i can't even begin to explain the last two months, and i know i havent filled you in on everything that happened but it was a whirlwind of fucked up events.
screaming hitting pushing crying smoking drinking notsleeping....i donnt ever want to do that again.
especially trying to stop somebody from killing themselves when your the reason they dont wanna live anymore.
now that everythings calmed down, it feels weird, like alot is missing. i dont miss the drama, its something else, i miss what used to be.
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