Wednesday, February 9, 2011

end of innocence.

When was the last time you did something for the first time? Naturally, romantic memories fill your mind now, or fond ones with your closest friends. For me, it was nothing of the sort.

I have scarcely entered the packed night club and my soft feet are already cramping from the high heels. The room's atmosphere is swimming in smoke, strobe lights and the smell of alcohol.

There are groups of people scattered in every direction, their laughter richocheting off the walls of my mind. A man smacks into me, fleeing from unfinnished business. he reeks of betrayal.

At the bar i try to get the bartender's attention. The young, rebellious looking man's eyes rose interest in mine as his attention is caught by the hand next to me, waving a wad of money in the air. I look up to see the face that the hand belongs to and it is as if my eyes alone experience ecstasy.

'Tall dark and handsome' has never been as fitting, as appropriate to anyone else but this guy. His eyes glint mischeviously, his mouth pulls up in a heartmelting grin. He smells like adventure and his pressence gives me a rush.

He introduces himself, and i manage to stumble over my own introduction. His gaze has an unsetting effect on me, but i push the discomfort away.

i taste danger as he continues to charm me, seduce me, but i take a sip of the drink he has bought me to take the taste away.

My head feels cloudy, and it feels as if i cannot complete full sentences in my thoughts without immense difficulty.

I slur my words and i am embarrassed and annoyed at myself.

I excuse myself, hesitantly as i do not want to waste any time with this mysterious man. I grt to my feet and my balance is alarmingly weak. I sway and he catches me, steadies me and with a wry smile, asks if im okay. I nod as my gut feeling is burning a hole in my chest.

I make my way to the bathroom and all my senses feel irreversibly impaired. Everything i see is exaggerated and slow, and i feel as if i am in a tunnel.

Every step i take makes my destination seem further, my body sways as the floor tilts beneath me.

I sit down on the cold toilet seat and the stall is filthy and reeks of urine, smoke and cheap detergent.

I see his beautiful face wearing a sinister smile, and i smell his sweet smell, not adventure anymore but more along the lines of caution, or fear. For a second i am confused, is this not the ladies' bathroom?

He advances and my sweat freezes all over my skin. I realise, my thoughts are vague, but i know.

He comes into the stall and with daunting confidence he kisses me like he has been craving me. The sickening sweet taste of marijuana on his lips fills me with intimidation. My throat is struggling to allow me to breathe. I push his hand away when it wanders to my bra strap but he clutches an unwavering grip on my arm, managing to unbutton my tight jeans, his every touch burning traces on my skin

Battling to shove past him out of the stall, my head slams onto the solid wall next to me. The sting of his hand on my face still lingering like a wicked reminiscence and my ears ringing. Fear and warm, thick, metallic blood fills my mouth. My body still intoxicated with strange dark bliss, i use my last power to fight him off.

you're not alone / confusedvision

He won.

With no more might in my entire body, I'm paralyzed, numb, feeling him thrust like a plague, I wither. He leaves, pleasured.

I'm left there alone, on the nasty, foul reeking, cold floor covered in repulsive substances.

I lay there, lifeless, pacified.


On the inside at least. Cold. Gone.

The end of my innocence. My first time for many things. My wicked reminiscence.

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